Hey!

Hey, read this one like you're talking, it flows better.

So here goes. Shit. So here's the deal. I don't have anything to talk about. I just want to blog. Maybe I think it's unique that the fucking blog doesn't have a purpose, or maybe I'm just bored. All I want to do is talk.

I've got a lot of things I could talk about, and a couple I forgot. I'm scared that I'm becoming my miserable dad. I'm realizing that a 22 year old virgin is gonna die from nerves if he does it the first time. I know I can't socially adapt. And I know that women pull their kids nearer to them when I'm there. I also know I only watch them carefully cause a 6'2 guy trips on the little guys if he's not careful.

I'm so fully aware of my mistakes, but I don't know what's good about me. I know it's there. I know people rely on me, they trust me, and not just at work, but I don't know why. I don't deeply understand the good in me, I only understand the evil. WHY!?

I'm frustrated, and like my best friend would say "very confused". I need to reset, but my brain is wired a certain way, and it won't just change for me. I don't even know what it will take for me to be cured from my sickness. Or maybe I do know what it would take, but I'm not willing to pay that price. What I think it may take is this. This blog. This honesty.

I saw a episode of House, a man was robo-tripping to dumb himself down since his own intelligence was making him miserable. I feel if I give this up, I'll be doing the same thing in a way. I also think that if I keep up this brutal honesty, I'll never adapt, never be normal.

What can happen in a mind is a motherfucker.