Wierd Problem

So, please let me bore you with some useless crap.

I have absolutely nothing to say tonight... alright, stratch that, I DO have something say, but you ain't gonna hear it... alright, fine I made the semi-promise, I'll just be careful as to what I say. So here goes.

There's a person I know who feels extremely unloved and takes any wrong move as proof that they are unloved. Now these wrong moves can be anything, really, anything at all. It can be as simple as hanging out with one of their friends when they aren't there; now this isn't not inviting them, no, it's simply them not being there for whatever reason. If anyone unwittingly breaks this strange code of conduct, this person will rip them a new one. At this point you may be thinking "this person needs professional help" and you may be right (it has been suggested), but this person is an adult, and since the problem hasn't gotten "dramatic", and they won't take it, that's not an option.

So how does one deal with that? I believe I have been called to be loving, but what does that mean to someone who views my love for one person as hate for them? I won't yield to their desire for me to be less loving to a person, but I still want to show them love. It's not that they hate the people I care about; it's just that they seem to be afraid of me becoming a better friend to them than they are. Ah, I don't know, maybe this is when I should pray.

This is truly a bizarre world and I'll keep trying to do what's best. Though I haven't "arrived" at anything close to perfection and I still screw up more than I like to admit, I know I'm working hard to do better. Words by Flogging Molly that have helped me get through overwhelming times come to mind "Hell, I'm doing all I can".

Hope you guys are also "doing all you can" to make this place better,
me

Why I am so Mysterious

Well, I thought I might as well explain that since I am a bit overly-careful on here. I will soon be taking on a job where they're REALLY paraniod about anyone ever bad times in their lives. They think it's dangerous in the enviroment that I'll be put in; I call it being human. However, my opinion doesn't really matter much here so I think it's wiser to not be identifable. I just like having a place where people can learn about what's on the mind of this 7 billionth of humanity; I think it's worthwhile for people to think about, so it's also worthwhile for me to type.

Peace out!
Anonymous 

Can I Be Comfortable With Me?

That is the question on my mind now. It's very interesting typing out these blog entries or songs. There will (usually) be something that will be eating at me for weeks, and maybe months but I won't be able to grab hold of it and say "This is it", until a day suddenly comes along where it becomes stunningly clear to me. Why this happens seems to have no explanation. I can be trying to figure something out for weeks, going in circles, and then suddenly, just listening to some music or reading someone's blog it comes to be "This is what's been bugging me" This was one of those things.

With Christians, there are a lot of taboos. Some things you just don't do; it's that simple. No one wrote rules about this, but the concequences of breaking these rules is as real as a speeding ticket. Everyone knows this, so I guess that statement is a little redundant, but it's got to be there for me to make sense later.

I've been seeing things through a new perspective since around the time I typed out "Great Thought of Yesterday" and that has started to have an effect on how I see the taboos I mentioned earlier. Since I see the Law (and now the commands of Christ) as something God put there just so we could live in the best way possible, I think that none of these taboos are wrong because they are a specific action. Maybe they are wrong for some people in some situations because of the motivation for doing them, but it's not the same for everyone.

I also want to make it clear, this is not about some stupid things like wearing nice clothes to church or anything; this is about some things that really seem to scare the crap out of many "good" Christians. I'm talking about things that would probably worry my parents. I'm talking about loving Eminem for being a great rapper, about saying "shit" cause it fits the situation like "shoot" just doesn't, about listening to intense, depressing music because it describes reality.

So I have two big questions:
1: Is this something most of us think but are scared to say?
2: Can I be comfortable with breaking these taboos?

I don't believe the taboos are right, but I'm not sure what's harder: Being thought of as a sinner and a bad person by people I love or following someone else's rules.

Well, I hope that all made sense to you; it did to me. Maybe I'll read it tommorow and find out what I was trying to say, but for now.
Good Morning!

Oh! Thanks to the Blackstones guy for getting me in the mood for blogging. http://www.theblackstones.net/Artist%20Journal/7E7A608A-1182-447F-9F95-12F8320A7F0E.html

Pissed Off Again

In a volunteer organization I'm involved in I've taken a position of greater leadership, and now EVRYONE thinks that I have to be responsible for EVERYTHING! I'm pretty POed right now because I'm probably going to have some people beating me down tommorow for something that went wrong that wasn't really even my problem.

So here's what happened: There was a fundraiser planned and they need a few people to help out, so I got things in movement to make sure everyone knew about it; this happened. One person commited.  I personally did not commit because I was helping my friend's sister move out of her apartment. While I was gone doing this, someone called saying that they had an urgent message concerning the fundraiser (no, urgent should not be used for fundraisers EVER, that's something firemen and ambulance drivers need to use). I'm guessing that they wanted more people to show up and they didn't. I'm also guessing that they'll hang it on my neck.

COME ON PEOPLE! It's a freakin' volunteer organization! I can't make people show up; that's not my job! What I can do is make sure everyone knows about it. I did that.

I'm not sure what I'll do if they slam me for this one. I'm already responding to several phone calls A DAY for this organization (and usually making a couple a day as well); I'm really not in the mood to get some crap lecture on responsibility from someone who does half the work I do for this organization.

Well yeah, I'm a little burned out and pissed off at this point. I hope people aren't jerks to me tommorow.
Later

Some Not-As-Deep Stuff

Well, right now I don't really want to dig deep, but this could get shallower (just listen to me talking about dances... no, you can't so you won't).

WARNING, RANT!
WARNING, RANT!
WARNING, RANT!

I'm going in the millitary soon and I had this lady going on and on thanking me for my service. It was wierd; I mean, I haven't even gone through boot camp or anything. I also felt like a bum because a big part of why I'm going in the military is because I really didn't think I could take 4 years of college. Even further than that, because of my job, the vast majority of my life will be spent under several feet of concrete. Heck, I do more dangerous things as a search and rescue member! Go hug a firefighter or a cop... or better yet, some moutain rescue guys, those guys REALLY have to have guts.

Ok, I'm done ranting
Peace

Some Depressing Lines

I guess I better take this
I guess I better never let this go
But I’m crying, I’m dieing
I’ve had enough, I’m dead
I’m not alive
I’ve had enough of this, I’m gone
Somewhere long the line
I died

Could I go back to that place? no
No, I don’t remember
Where that place was where I finally dropped the line
Could I retrace my steps and
Find where I was going
But no, no, no time is long, and I’m gone and this isn’t life

So at this lonely hour of the night I cry
And I don’t want to sleep
I want to work it out, to never doubt
Why I’m alive
But I fear, fear, fear all these thought that I’m having

And I rise
To the most beautiful sunrise
I hide my eyes, heave a sigh
And get back to this so called life
And I’m scared
That this will never get better
That I’ll always see the world through grey tinted eyes

And oh, oh, oh… I realize, this isn’t life

This just didn't work itself out to a song, but I thought you guys should know about it. Maybe I'll hash a song out of it someday. It was inspired by Sarah Jaffe's song "Swelling".  http://www.myspace.com/sjaffe

Great Thought of Yesterday

About a year and a half ago, I was going on a mission trip and, quite frankly, knew I needed to get my own beliefs in line. With the guidance of my youth pastor, I read through several of the gospels with an open mind for the first time. Since that time, I've been working on what I believe and why. It's taken me a quite a while to come up with what I believe and I still have questions, but one thing has become increasingly clear to me: God wants us to live a certain way because it's best for us, not because he wants to show how Godly we are by being under some sort of burden.

For example, a friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant (which is a big no-no in church society) but as I reasoned out why that is "wrong" I found that there is NOTHING in the Bible that explicitly says that this is wrong (no, the verse you are thinking of is refering to prostitutes or rape). If that's the case (which it is) what's wrong with it (if it's wrong)? I see two possible answers: 1. Anything close to maybe not alright in the area of sex should be avoided because it may be bad. 2. It's really dang hard for a young couple to raise a child. I personally believe #2 and was there for my friend 100% because of that.

Now backing up to the Bible and the Law (refering to the Old Testament law) could it be that the Law is like this unwritten rule not to have sex out of marriage, that it's there cause these things were best for the Jewish people? I find it interesting that some of the laws were to not eat pig and shellfish; it's interesting because at the time the Law was written it was very easy to get sick from from eating these animals.

While I was reading through the gospels, this verse just ate at me "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." (Matt 5:17) What is Jesus saying? He's obviously not saying to forget the Law like many Christians do, but he's also not saying that things stay the same. So again, what is he saying? The only logical answer I see is that he is saying that there is still a certain right way to live, but now you follow this right way because it's best, not because you're "supposed to".

So how does this relate to smoking? Well, what's best for people? What's right? With this one, the answer will most likely be not to smoke. It hurts your lungs bad, and that's not the best thing for people. But before you become too smug in thinking I'm saying smoking is bad, what about this scenario?: Your coworker is really ripped up about a bunch of stuff that has happened in his life recently and you think the best thing is to be there for him. Except there is one problem, the only time you get to talk to him is during break, where he is certain to go out for a smoke. What's right and wrong now? Secondhand smoke is supposed to be worse than the real thing, though not as concentrated. Like the band Discover America says "There's a million miles of grey".

One last thing. You may be thinking (like I did) if this is the case, what does Christ's sacrifice mean? Maybe it's forgiveness for screwing up God's perfect world, maybe that's the sin.

Anyway, I've said my piece. I don't think this is the standard view, but it's mine and I think it makes sense. If I'm only making sense to myself, please be sure to ask me to clarify.

Aright, peace out!

BTW, The entire time I wrote this I was listening to Abigail's Ghost, found at www.myspace.com/abigailsghost

I actually typed this as an answer to question some friends fo mine had (having to do with whether smoking is wrong or right). It's called "Great Thought of Yesterday" cause I finished typing it about a hald an hour ago, but hadn't gotten around to putting it up here til now.