Shit happens all the time...

Thanks to Jon Lajoie for inspiring this post with the line:

"Shit happens all the time and you learn how to deal with it, regular, everyday, normal fucking bullshit!" -Everyday Regular Normal Guy II by Jon Lajoie

So I was looking through this blog and realized that it had become very much a collection of poetry. This isn't a bad thing per-se, I'm happy that I've been able to produce enough song-quality poetry so I have something to work with when I start messing around on an instrument (it's a bouzouki right now, but that's a different story), but that's not why this blog exists. It exists so that I can submit my thoughts to the world, and poetry is not the only way to do that.

So back to Everyday Regular Normal Guy II. I've been a just a bit down lately, not a lot, but enough to irritate me. I've been thinking about it quite a bit, and I couldn't quite put my finger on what was bringing me down until I heard that line. That's it, it's normal fucking bullshit that has me down. I'm away from family and friends for the holidays and I don't like it. I'm in a new place and I don't know anyone, it fucking blows. It's not huge philosophical reasoning that has me down, it's the everyday, normal fucking grind of life.

I also realized that my coping mechanisms have improved dramatically in the last 3 years. It's like the song says: "We learn how to deal with it". This will be my third Christmas away from home. The first one ripped me up pretty badly, the last one was pretty cool, but I had to make a major effort to get it to not suck, and this one? Well, I'm not there yet, so I don't know how I'll deal with it, but I have a pretty strong feeling I'll be ok. It won't be the best day of the year for me, that's for sure, but I'll have a couple beers, pass out, and get on with life on December 26.

I guess I don't have that much else to say. I've mostly figured out that I'm not going to find real answers to the hard questions I have, not even answers that will satisfy me, and I'm mostly ok with that. Chances are, there aren't real answers anyway and it's a waste of time thinking too much about it.

So here I am; not that special. Just learning to deal with everyday, normal fucking bullshit.

Complete fucking sidebar... I just realized I quoted Buffy the Vampire Slayer on this blog like 2 years ago and didn't even know it, FML.

9 In the Morning

It's nine A.M. where you are
And I know you're still asleep
Hungover and happy
So I won't call now

It's seven thousand miles to where you are
And I remind myself it's crazy
These thoughts I still entertain
But you captivated me

Maybe we could of, should of
Been more
Maybe we could of, should of
Been together, you and me

To live so carefully, so kindly
Maybe the best thing I can respect
And faithfully told me no
Along with the rest

To live so honestly, so freely
Maybe the one thing I had to offer
I'll write you this song
And let you be

Maybe we could of, should of
Been more
Maybe we could of, should of
Been together, you and me

Maybe we could of
Maybe we could of
I think we should have
Been together... you and me

I don't call you
It's nine in the morning
And you're still hungover
And I'm still 7,000 miles away

This is about me and a good friend. We had mutual feelings for each other, but she was in a relationship at the time. She wouldn't leave him for me, because she didn't think it was right, and I wouldn't press her, for the same reason. As it ends up, I moved 7,000 miles away and she's still there. I know the chances of our living in the same area again are slim, so I don't want her to wait for me if this last relationship doesn't work out. On the same token, I don't regret a moment I spent with her. We had, have, a great friendship and that short time we were together as friends is not a memory to be thrown away lightly.

I was listening to Brighter Than Sunshine by Aqualung and Passenger Seat by Death Cab for Cutie when I wrote this.

I made a mistake when I wrote the song, it was actually noon where she was, and she was probably awake, but now I'm so tired and reflective that I need to go to bed. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.