Song for a Friend

I'll sing a sad song for you, cause joy is hard to find
I'll tell you how I see this world, and how I see my life
I've seen my share of pain though it's not always plain to see
I'll give to you my story and of what I hope I'd be

See I grew up in a family that gave to me the world
And they hoped that I'd be happy, get a job and find a girl
But I tried so hard not to disappoint that I disappoint myself
And here am a single man, got a job but got no wealth

So I looked into my future and it seemed to me so clear
That I'd never be rich man, I may never hold one so dear
I gave up all my big dreams for a hope that I might find
Something I could do, that could change humankind

But I look into the past and I'm scared of what I see
Of war and death and genocide, and hate that grows so deep
I screamed out in futility "Is there nothing we can do?!"
I saw the wave of history would pass me by as it passed through

In defeat I hung my head, there is nothing I can say
That will make us love our neighbors, or make us stop the pain
I've thought too many times it seems, is it even worth the while
To help a man up to his feet or calm a crying child

But in your eyes I find the strength to do what I still do
Cause you helped me up when I was down, as a friend like you would do
So to you who heard this song, I hope that you may be
The hope in a hopeless world, in the pain be the peace

As for me the night is long and I still can't see the end
But I will carry on, cause all you've done for me my friend

"Style of writing inspired by Adiline by Sarah Jaffe"

I'll get a picture for you invisible people later!

What will I be?

Recently, it seems I've been pulled in many different directions. There is a part of me that goes back to Christianity and love how Christians seem to genuinely care about people, but there is also the part of me that hates how I have to be so darn careful with what I say around them and how I act. Also, there is the whole issue of their belief about God allowing mass murder, rape, and genocide to happen and still praising Him as perfect. Christianity, and maybe religion as a whole relies on a lot of blind belief and acceptance of the unknown rather than coming to a meaningful understanding of what's going on.

Anyway, just the other night, it came to some sort of climax. I was feeling disappointed with myself again with how I treated some of my Christian friends (I didn't really want to spend time with them at the time cause I didn't want to deal with the above issues), and realized I was generally disappointed in myself and how I treat people. So when I started making a resolution to change how I treat people I came to start to ask a series of questions.

Who do I want to be? That one seemed weak to me, whether or not I want to be something doesn't make a difference, I am who I am. Who do I want become? No, that doesn't work. How should I live? No, that only asks to be tossed around by someone's preconceived notion about right and wrong. What will I be? Yeah... What will I be? It's not a guilt trip into change, but it keeps my mind on how I want to live, rather than the sometimes depressing state of where I'm at. Yeah. That'll be my battle cry or my motto for now. Maybe that makes a good new years resolution, to find out what I will be.

Hope that lifted your spirits to read that as much as it did mine to type it!

Currently listening to "Bold as Love" by John Mayer

On the state of humanity

"Go on, make a wish!"
"I'll just let it burn"

I saw a sign today
I don't know exactly what it was for
But it was no surprise at all
It was a sign for some cause
That you would all call good
But as I gazed at its faded design
A heaviness fell in my chest
And a tear should have fallen from my eye

I looked at that sign a time or two
Before I turned my head in pain
As one who has seen blood on the wall and walked away
Cause the cause was hopeless
The patient is already dead
Like tormenting a body as it's shocked to life to die again

I wonder if causes like this are what keeps us alive
No, not alive... maybe we just haven't died
I don't lift a finger, I barely lift an eye 
I'm ashamed of my life

I left the playing field
I leave it for others to decide
I observe silently
Not cheering for a side
Calulating every play
In a cold-blooded, not caring kind of way
We'll never win this war
Cause the enemy's face always looks like mine

I see what we've done
My God! What have we become!

Half

He was tired and more than a little worried
When he wrote the lines on the page
But he was more than afraid if he didn't say it now
It'd never be said

He looked blankly at the page
half tired to tears, half as numb as the half gone beer
Half a page and half a thought and half the night gone
He gives up

Cause his life is always halfway to somewhere
The other half dragging him to nothing
His life is half lived, half given up
Half a drive that he once knew and halfway the numb of nothing