Someone come up with a title

I won’t drown in good dreams
When the bad one’s are reality
Not what you see, but the real me
The real way we see things

Good Christian kids are cryin’… tryin’…
It’s all dyin’
But we keep on lyin’
About how great our lives have become

I’m one of the masses, now disorganized and confused
Who decided not to walk the path
Of sayin’ we realize anything more than you
But shunned is a hard way to live

Cause none of us now realize
That we’re all the rebel and the bad guy
We’re all dressed in the Christian suit
We’re all the wolf or the sheep disguised

We’ve all lied, but we still strive
To jump over the moon, beyond the sky
The older we get, the more we realize
We’ll never get it right

And if it was my last day what would I say?
I’ve earned every wrong that’s come my way
I’ve sent love back reeling in disarray
I don’t deserve this place

But that’s not what’s taught
The negativity can’t be of Christ
But even He screamed out “why?”
Even He died

Big dreams, big money, in a big place upstairs
With a big bright light, and a dream of peace
Is that a doctrine to teach?
Is that anything to me?

Or is it the fear I learned at five?
Just not wanting to burn and die
Cause hell still screws with my mind
I’m still afraid to die

This is a very different style of poetry for me. While I was typing it, I wasn't trying to solve the enigma of life; I was just typing about it. I wasn't asking "why?", just saying "this is". Maybe poets can "get" what I'm trying to say. Anyway, this was inspired by Kendall Payne's song "Lines" http://www.myspace.com/kendallpayne and again by Sarah Jaffe's style of writing.

New Life/Don't Die

Well, I had a couple things on my mind that I just felt like I should get out. It feels like I haven't post for eternity.

First, I know a good number of young people who have unplanned kids recently and I've seen them stressed to no end and I've seen them look 25 when they're only 18. Well, I saw a girl recently (the girlfriend of a guy I know) that had a baby recently she looked 18 (and she is 18). I hope I didn't freak her out because I was watching her and wanted to see her eyes; I wanted to see if there was that change that I'd seen in other people. I finally did see and it wasn't there. I don't know why not, and I won't go into poetic crap acting like I do, but it was an interesting good thing.

It made me think of how people act when teens have kids. It seems that the only thing churchs are very good at is with this is stressing the teens out. Yeah, they're joining the "real" world in a hurry, but there's no good reason to freak them out with the "your kid's gonna be dumb and go to jail statistics". Maybe if we cared enough to help them, those statistics could be history. As always, it's not our place to judge.

The second thing was saying goodbye to my friend. Right as he left, he said a few words very sincerely, in fact I don't think I've ever seen him so sincere in my life. They are (drum role please) "Don't go fuck up and get killed, we don't need a folded flag". It seems small, but how he said it, it meant he really cared... a lot. I said (equally sincere) something like "I'll keep that in mind". Just a short exchange that I can't explain any better.

Well, I'll leave you with a nicer thought. Someone put this online (probably illegaly). It's a pretty comforting song.
Mansions by Burlap to Cashmere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvXYW-mTVXg&feature=related

A Song (not mine) and a Poem (mine)

I stumbled upon this guy on myspace music and really thought the lyrics of Feeling Like Winter struck a bell.

http://www.myspace.com/matthewwolin

I also came up with this little poem.

We’ve got bank accounts and IRAs
And every convenience of the modern day
But I think what we really need
Is a place to sleep by a murmuring stream
And when we wake a guitar by our side
Sing a song called “I’m alive”
Yeah this is the good life!
This is the good life!
It’s heaven
Yeah, heaven
The good life

That's all,
Peace

How much was wasted?

I will be leaving home to start my life in less than a month, and it kills to think of the time that's gone. I'm arranging plans to see good friends for the last time and I think of how much will never happen; all those big dreams we had about working out together everyday, the dozens of cheezy CDs we'd produce... all gone.

I guess it should be a time of joy, of starting my life, but it just seems like I'm leaving everything I know for a lot of work and pain. I'm scared to death of doing this and I almost prefer to not see my friends because it pains me close to tears. There have been people that have grown to be better people at about the same rate I have and we've "grown up" together for the last few years, but knowing that person is over; there's only a goodbye left and we're both just memories.

Well, I guess I'm done. I'm gonna miss you guys, but I'm just so lousy at keeping in touch, it'll probably end here.

Listening to: Slow Southern Home by Doug Burr