My Thoughts-"Losing Sight of God"

I’ve lost sight of god

I’m tired of telling people that most doctrine is so Petty.

I’m tired of people blowing me off whenever I say “Love has got to be #1”, by saying “yeah, but we have to remember Christ dying on the cross” My point is lets agree to love our neighbor and we don’t really need to know exactly what spiritual things happened when Christ died.

I’m sick and tired of the church where no one has the balls, or the means, to stand up and say “When you do this for the least of these, you have done it for me”

I would leave the church, except that I have friends there

Christians are the most closed-minded people because they think they know everything.

It doesn’t matter what you know, It’s how you use that information

I’m sick of evangelism, It’s such CC (Christian crap). Evangelism is a political campaign for Christ, it’s the politics of don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t be friends with gays, adulterers, people who have an abortion (You’ll be in danger of burning with them in hell), don’t vote democrat ect. Don’t worry about getting people saved, understand what God gave you and love your neighbor. You will naturally tell people about what you believe, that sure beats memorizing BS.

My Thoughts-"Christians"

Man, "Christians" can be so phony, it makes me sad. A ton of "Christians" are living without life, they don't understand a thing, and they think they do; they think they're on the edge of having a full life, but they don't have a thing. I hate telling people that I'm Christian because in pop culture Christian means someone who's lame and judges everyone else while not looking at their own problems, and sadly, they're right. I wish I could say "No, that's not Christ, they're as lost as anyone. Please don't judge Christ by them." What has the church become, what's this thing we've made, when did we forget love, oh God please help us, this is worse than disbelief.

Life's Death

It seems that almost all the time
The purpose of life is not to die
And so few understand what it is to live
Life goes unrecognized
And dies to live another day

First Honest Me

Have I been a fool, I don't really care
Have I let you down, you must have been half the problem
I know I've thought to much, and my thinking is over
I thought I had this one solved, figured out, but life ain't that easy
I wish I didn't have to care, about what I believe
But it's the message I'm supposed to push
Why do I have to believe?
What good does it do anyone?
I've reasoned it out, I thought I convinced myself
Oh, I don't want to think anymore
Why can't this be easy, isn't that what I earned?
They say we earn nothing, but somethings got to earn something
I wish I had faith
I wish I wasn't rude to my sister
I've been a fool, and now I wish I didn't have to care
I've let everyone down
I'm a double-sided kid, with no direction or meaning
Every time I try to go one way the other side gets the best of me
I balance the fence
I try to at least
But I keep falling off, to one side or the other
I get beat up and bruised by my attempts to lead a life that makes sense
Cause I can't ride the fence, and I won't choose a side
I'm sorry, I'll let you down
I'm sorry, I won't be there for you
I won't care
I won't understand
I'll get angry when I'm tired
I'll get moody if you say something I don't want to hear
Why am I typing this?
I don't want to think
But somehow I have to
Maybe there is a right way
Maybe I'll find it
Or maybe I won't
I'll do the best I can
I will succeed, fail, try again and give up
I know I believe in compassion
I'll try to live for that, until I find the way
If there is one
If God is real, he owns compassion
I'll live for compassion, until I find more about God
I think God is real
This isn't great, this isn't clear, this is sad, this is poor, and this is real
I may be worse off than you, I may be better off
This wasn't meant to be read by others
But, if you find it, please don't just leave it
Cause this is what someone's heart beats about
This is my thoughts, hopes and fears
This is why i'm quiet when everyone's loud
Why i'm empty when everyone's smiling
Why it's hard to convince me there is good
Why i'm bitter
This is my heart
This is my life
This is my name:
*Withheld for personal reasons*

This is what started my being honest with myself, so it holds a special meaning to me. A lot was going through my mind at the time I typed this and I was on the tipping point of a ton of change in my life. Even though many things I have typed since then have been very honest, none have been quite as honest as this. It may seem to be jiberish to you, but it is something real to me. Thanks for reading as far as you have.
Enjoy the honesty!