A Dry Spell

I like writing these things; I like thinking about these things, but sometimes I just don't have it in me to type them. For the past couple days I've wanted to type something up but haven't had it in me to do so. 

Oh! I do have something to say. I was in a conversation, or an argument, about the whole creation vs. evolution thing and it's amazing what some people will ignore or discredit to support their argument. I was talking to someone who was convinced that the earth is about 6000 years old and it didn't matter what evidence we presented to her, there was nothing that could convince her. The belief that the Bible was historically correct covered up all reason. It made me think of how I used to be, so I tried to talk to her. I built a level of trust with her, that I wouldn't smash her views right off the bat, but I can still see that she views me as either a victim or the enemy. I'll give you updates if there are any to give.

It's interesting, everyone thinks that they are right, and we all try to convince each other that our view is best. It doesn't seem to change much though, as John Mayer says "Oh, everyone believes in the way it ought to be. Oh everyone believes, and no one's going easily." Yep, that's all for now.

I was listening to the Lines of my Earth by Sixpence None the Richer and it fit my non-blogging mood. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUB1xmZwjf8

"This is the last song that I write
'Til you tell me otherwise.
And it's because I just don't feel it"

I just didn't feel the blogging for a while.

Later people!

Am I Old at Heart?

While doing these blogs, I try to explore different things about how I act and ask myself why I do those things. I ask myself "What is it in me that makes me do that?" This is one of those things that I don't think I've ever written about, but is what I think about a bit.

I act differently than the people around me. I don't enjoy many of the little things that other people around me enjoy. I don't know how to explain it very well, which is half the reason I type these things up, so I can think about it with that last thought on the screen. To explain how I'm different, I don't like the little relationship games that go on; I think it's a diversion, and not very fun at that. I don't really like partying; I think it's a letdown. I don't like things done for show, I think show is a waste of time. The times that I really appreciate being alive, not just glad I'm not dead, but so glad to be living, is when I'm doing something crazy hard and meaningful. My big weakness is music. It's not always so purposeful, but I love it! I also love learning about humanity, by seeing other people's humanity, and by exploring my own.

A good song for this post is by Rise Against, it's "Give it All". 'There's a reason, to give it all"

Rantings About Life

I know it's the 5th of July and thousands of people are talking about patriotism and all, but honestly, that's the last thing I want to talk about. It's been a long week; thank God for the four day weekend.

So I'm going to write some rantings about life (never woulda guessed would ya!) . I've found that no one really cares what you did with your life, they care about how you influenced them. That's not just something like "Oh, he saved the lives of 200 people in Africa by fundraising" or anything, it's something deeper. Sometimes I get irritated with those "We need to feed the world!" people; not at all because I want the world to starve, but because I think everyone misses the point when it's about a number. I don't want to help 400 people, I want to help that person. No one ever laid on their death bed and said "Bring me the award, the one saying I saved all those people" or "Bring me the newspaper that talks about this. Let me see the good I've done." They ask for friends, family or pictures if they're the last to go.

I've done my fair share of good and bad for being 19, but I see faces on both sides, I don't see events. Damn! I just remembered a guy I helped train for search and rescue; I had completely forgotten about him. Just like I was saying, it took a minute to remember what the hell I had done for him, and I can't remember his name, but I remember the guy's face. I'm remembering a ton now... How we set up mock searches, how we taught that class, and that point saying goodbye where he thanked me teaching him and how it influenced him. It's not often that people thank you like that, and it's not often that you work together as a team as well as we did. It seems that we only realize how good something is until it's going or gone. "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone..."

I'm out on my own here, in a new place, with few friends. I'm doing what I'm good at, but not what I love. What do I love? I love music. I LOVE search and rescue. If I could make it a job I would, but I can't. It's the joke among SAR junkies that we're all trying to find a way to do it full time. The best days are spent doing something hard, something meaningful and doing it with people that love it as much as you. It doesn't happen much, or at least it doesn't seem to.

My mind just decided that it is done with this rant, no decision of my own. Oh well.

If there's anybody out there, give me a hollar!

Ciao!

Oh! I almost forgot, here's a song I've been listening to recently. It captures the mood I'm in now. As I'm Leaving by David Gray http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FujxM71Hc3c