Sunday, June 15, 2008

Shut up!!!

Stupid thinking too deep. I can't get it out of my head. I've been trying for the past couple days to leave it behind, but I can't do it. It torments me still. To say it in a poetic way: I wish these demons and angels would leave me the hell alone.

I guess this spiritualism is something I'll have to live with, but how the hell I'm supposed to do that I don't know. It goes on and on and on, in the terribly predictable patterns. I see the black and white fade to a grey of no-one-knows-what's-right, and see my efforts to be the light fade as my energy to fight the hate dies. Do I give a fuck anyway? Or is it conditioning of my mind that causes positive action out of habit rather than something like true compassion or love.

I don't know, but fatigue, loud music and this thing in my head, my heart, my soul is getting this rant out of me. Maybe the hardest thing is that this keyboard is my only way of venting right now; I don't have a person I can talk to, or a guitar to say what I mean. Just me and this keyboard.

Maybe being on my own is showing me how artificial it all is; how people treat each other, and I don't see the love anymore. I dunno.

Ok, I'm done ranting.
Task for today: Talk honestly, into what we feel, beyond the politics of what we read.

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