What will I be?

Recently, it seems I've been pulled in many different directions. There is a part of me that goes back to Christianity and love how Christians seem to genuinely care about people, but there is also the part of me that hates how I have to be so darn careful with what I say around them and how I act. Also, there is the whole issue of their belief about God allowing mass murder, rape, and genocide to happen and still praising Him as perfect. Christianity, and maybe religion as a whole relies on a lot of blind belief and acceptance of the unknown rather than coming to a meaningful understanding of what's going on.

Anyway, just the other night, it came to some sort of climax. I was feeling disappointed with myself again with how I treated some of my Christian friends (I didn't really want to spend time with them at the time cause I didn't want to deal with the above issues), and realized I was generally disappointed in myself and how I treat people. So when I started making a resolution to change how I treat people I came to start to ask a series of questions.

Who do I want to be? That one seemed weak to me, whether or not I want to be something doesn't make a difference, I am who I am. Who do I want become? No, that doesn't work. How should I live? No, that only asks to be tossed around by someone's preconceived notion about right and wrong. What will I be? Yeah... What will I be? It's not a guilt trip into change, but it keeps my mind on how I want to live, rather than the sometimes depressing state of where I'm at. Yeah. That'll be my battle cry or my motto for now. Maybe that makes a good new years resolution, to find out what I will be.

Hope that lifted your spirits to read that as much as it did mine to type it!

Currently listening to "Bold as Love" by John Mayer